Midnight Thoughts
by LoveAndLaughter
Summary: Stiles decides to keep a journal for a month because he can't sleep. His thoughts keep getting filled of this one person: Scott. Will Stiles tell Scott about his feelings in the month or will Scott never find out? (Bad summary but give it a chance?)


(This is my first Sciles fic. Stiles starts a journal because he can't sleep. His thoughts are full of one special boy in particular. Hope you enjoy this.!)  
-Night One:  
It's the middle of the night and I'm drowning in my thoughts-Night One:  
It's the middle of the night and I'm drowning in my thoughts. These thoughts ruin me. I can't breathe because of some of them.  
~tick tick tick~  
The clock is getting on my nerves. He keeps running through my mind. I can't stop thinking these thoughts that you shouldn't think of when it's your friend. Why did this have to happen? I was supposed to like girls. I thought I was in love with Lydia for so many years, why did it have to change now?! Why can't I be the normal teenager who doesn't have a massive crush on his best friend?  
It's not like I can talk to anyone about these thoughts. They'll make fun of me.  
You see, I could try talking to them, but it's not worth the chance of them telling him.  
-Night Two:  
I hardly got any sleep last night. He kept penetrating my brain. Tonight is no different. I decided to listen to my sleep mix tracks, but they all remind me of him. I can't believe he can make me feel this way. He invited me to stay the night because he is always hanging out with his girlfriend and never has time for me anymore, but I couldn't without him finding out.  
I wish I was man enough to tell him everything I wanted to tell him, but no. I have to be a coward and just try and keep my heartbeat steady every time he smiles at me. It's hard; I hate seeing him and the way his face lights up when he talks about her.  
He talks about her like she is the ground we walk on and the air we breathe. I hate the way she affects him. When she does something bad, he gets so depressed and I'm the one who helps him get through it, hoping he'll realize I'm better for him than she is. But no, he goes running back to her every time.  
-Night Three:  
Tonight was movie night at my place, but did he show up? No! He decided to text me right as I was setting up that he wouldn't be able to make it because he was going out with his girl. So I had movie night without him. When I finished, I came up to my room and tried to sleep. I can't fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, he's there.  
I put my headphones in and the first song that comes on is 'Best I Never Had'. Of course, the one song that describes this situation perfectly, I think. I should just give up on him. I shouldn't even think about it anymore, but it's not my fault I fell in love with my best friend.  
-Night Four:  
I can't sleep anymore; I've become an insomniac and no one has noticed. I guess deep down I knew that no one really cared out me. Even my dad hasn't noticed. I've tried everything except for pills because I won't be able to wake up if I take them, but nothing's worked. I need sleep, but after everything I've tried, I can't.  
He doesn't know what he does to me because he's always to busy with her. No more time for me. I tried texting him, but all I got was, 'can't talk now.' That's it. It used to be me and him against the world. All that's changed now. It's me against everyone else while he is with her having the time of his life.  
-Night Five:  
I've become a little less talkative. I think Lydia's noticed, but she won't say anything as she is with Jackson all the time ever since he came back from London. I've been kicked out of the table since there is no more room. Jackson took my spot because he is visiting and wants to spend as much time with Lydia as possible. I've resorted to eating in my jeep. I feel like Derek knows something's up because why else would he come over tonight?  
Derek came around seven when my dad left for work. He seemed worried and kept asking questions, but I just told him I was fine. Thank god, I was good at lying to werewolves. Otherwise, he would have never left. I closed me eyes to rest, but all I saw was him making out with his girlfriend and then he saw me and just laughed for having a crush on him. I woke up drenched in sweat. He would never be that mean… would he?  
-Night Six:  
Him. I love him. He's all I need. I don't want anyone else. He's all I want, all I need.  
-Night Seven:  
I fell in love with him after being his best friend for 16 years. When I got a crush on him, that was 10 years ago. It took me 10 years to realize I was in love with him, but he's in love with someone else.  
-Night Eight:  
I got some sleep. It was only 10 minutes, but it was something. It's midnight and my thoughts are overwhelming. I can't focus on anything. It's not anything new, but this is different. It's like I'm hallucinating, but I'm not.  
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation; I don't know anything right now. He's taking a notice that I'm looking different, but made no effort to even ask if I'm ok. I guess he doesn't care like he used to.  
-Night Nine:  
~tick tick tick~  
Lydia came over unexpectedly. She kept asking if I was alright and if I wanted to talk about anything, but I kept saying I was okay. Lydia kept saying I was in denial. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn't. I don't know anymore. I can't tell anymore.  
I just can't tell anyone anything or who knows what will happen.…  
-Night Ten:  
It's three am and I haven't gotten any sleep. Maybe I should give up on him; it's not like he's even into guys. He's told me that Danny once had a crush on him and he was feeling guilty because he didn't even like boys. Why would he like guys? He's perfect… he's everything I don't deserve, but everything I want.  
I turn to the clock: 3:30 am. It's obvious I won't be getting any sleep tonight, so what should I do? What to do, that's the question. I could listen to music, watch a movie, or lay in bed and think of him. Think of Scott.  
Movie, it is! Now what movie? I guess I'll stick to the best movies ever made: Star Wars.  
-Night Eleven:  
Sunday… Scott.… it's back to school again tomorrow, which means another week of fake smiles and watching the one I fell in love with love someone else.  
He seems so happy with her. Alison… before I realized how much I truly loved him, I helped him get the girl. Now all I want is for him to ditch the girl and come to me. It sounds rude, and believe me it is, but haven't you been in love? Have you ever tried to go through the day watching the one you've loved for so long love someone else? And not the bullshit middle school love, no, I mean, the love where you feel like you can't live without them… the love you need to breathe. The type of love where you can tell each other anything and still have a great time.  
The love where you can't help but fall in love everyday because of something they do. You can't stay mad at them because it's too hard. That kind of love. The kind of love that everything you do, it reminds you of them. They infiltrate your brain. You just can't stop thinking about everything. It's the sort of love where you want the cheesy romance, the late nights "I love you" fights, the sappy love songs, the "good morning/goodnight" texts, and the nights where all you do is cuddle.  
Maybe I'll never have that with Scott, but a guy can dream.  
-Night Twelve:  
Scott is pushing me away. He knows something is wrong with me and all he cares about is the fact that Alison might breakup with him. I can't handle it. It's like he doesn't realize that there's more to life than her! Lydia's figured it out. She came over today and told me how she knows all about my crush. I asked her how and she said Peter told her. Peter later entered and wrapped his arm around her waist and told me that I should just give up because it would never work. So that's why after I kicked them out, I put wolfsbane around my house. I decided to spend the week alone.  
-Night Thirteen:  
Erica tried to get through, said she was missing her batman. I told her to go away. Of course, she didn't. She kept badgering me until finally I told her to just leave me the fuck alone. I felt guilty when I realized how much I hurt her, but I hadn't meant to do it. I just want to be alone.  
My dad is starting to worry because I'm not acting like myself. I've closed up. Normally, I would be loud and happy. I've become a sad and quiet heartbroken boy. Since I've closed up, Scott hasn't tried to ask what's wrong even though he knows something is wrong.  
-Night Fourteen:  
It's the second night of being alone. Turns out, I'm very happy with being alone. Why should I be out with people who will only break my heart and stab me in the back? It's better to be alone because then no on can hurt you. Everyone's slowly leaving, I can feel it. It's like no one cares enough to even find out if I'm okay.  
I guess it shows that they weren't really my friends. Oh well, being alone is better than having fake friends.  
-Night Fifteen:  
Boyd and Erica came to my house, but they couldn't get in. Wolfsbane. After two hours of begging, I finally let them in and they talked. They tried to get me to come to this bonfire shit that Derek wants the pack to go to, but I'm not pack, not anymore. So that's how I ended up lying in bed at 10:15 pm when I could be out and about, but no. Being alone is better than being with fake friends, remember?  
-Night Sixteen:  
My birthday was eight days ago and not one single happy birthday (AN:Stiles' birthday is April 8). I don't know why I just now thought of it, maybe it's because when you are alone, you notice things. I've noticed every tiny detail in almost everything I do, but I tend to keep quiet about them.  
Everything's changed.  
-Night Seventeen:  
Why have I become this person who loves darkness more than sunlight? Help me get better. I need to get over me. It's obvious that he won't ever feel the same.  
-Night Eighteen:  
He's tried calling, texting, and even coming over. Luckily the wolfsbane is still there, but since he's the True Alpha, he could easily get through. And that's what he managed to do. The only reason he even came over was because Alison finally dumped after they got together again. He just needed a shoulder to cry on.  
-Night Nineteen:  
He stayed the night last night. I couldn't say no to his big puppy dog eyes. When we were little, we would just share the bed, but I couldn't do that as we got older because of this little problem I have. You know, the fact that I'm in love with him. So last night he wanted to do that, but I couldn't. I just couldn't without him finding out, so I did something that I'm getting better at; I lied.  
Thank go he didn't notice. But he left early today and decided to go try and get Alison back.  
I could've told him. I could've, but I'm a fucking wimp.  
-Night Twenty:  
I wanted to tell him today, but I couldn't. He said that he was done with relationships because all they do is ruin your life.  
Just my luck. The boy I love finally single and wants nothing to do with relationships.  
I thinks it's time for me to grow the balls and tell Scott about my growing love for him. If it ruins the friendship we have, well I don't know what I'll do if that happens.  
-Night Twenty-One:  
Well my day turned to shit. Scott's back with Alison. I should've seen it coming, it's what they do. Or to put it more accurately, it's what Alison does. But Scott falls for it every single fucking time. He deserves someone better and I'm not just saying that becuse I'm in love with him, but because it's the fucking truth.  
I just wish he could see how I really feel because apparently everybody knows except for him and Alison.  
-Night Twenty-Two:  
I was wrong about everything. He deserves the best and I'm not the best.  
-Night Twenty-Three:  
He's on his way to Alison's. He loves her. I need to get over him. I had everyone come over and I tried to talk to them, but they all said the same thing. They said that he was with Alison because he loved her and he loved girls, not boys.  
What's the foolproof way of getting over someone?  
-Night Twenty-Four:  
I've decided to never tell Scott because why risk the friendship?  
-Night Twenty-Five:  
Scott's here. He said he needed to talk to me. I don't know what he wants to talk about, but it's probably Alison.  
(Not Stiles' journal anymore now it's real life.)  
"Scott, what do you want?"  
"I need to know what's been bothering you dude. You seem so out of everything. You're not… you."  
I shrugged it off.  
"Who cares?"  
"I do- I mean we all do. We miss you, I… miss you."  
"I'm not gone, dumbass. I'm still here; it's just no one is here with me. I like being alone. Shouldn't you be getting back to Alison? I'm sure she misses you." I heard footsteps coming toward me so I looked up from my journal that I've been keeping for the past month.  
"No. I don't need to go back to Alison's. I don't have to because it's finally over. For real this time. This isn't like the other times."  
"Oh, dude that sucks. That really does. I'm sorry for you. You guys were-"  
"Cut the shit, Stiles. We both know you hated her. Why did you hate her?"  
"I didn't?" Liar. You really are becoming a compulsive liar, Stiles.  
"Don't lie. Why. Did. You. Hate. Her. So. Fucking. Much?"  
"You won't care. If I told you, you would just laugh. Maybe even our friendship would be ruined."  
"Tell me."  
"No."  
"Tell me now, Stiles." It's now or never. But why does it have to be this way.  
"Because."  
"Because…?"  
"Because I… because of what she does and how she makes you feel. Now can you please get out?"  
"What does that even mean?!"  
"It means I'm fucking jealous because I know I can NEVER have you the way she has you. Now get out!"  
(Back to the journal)  
And he left. I probably ruined one of the greatest friendships I ever had.  
-Night Twenty-Six:  
I've didn't go to school today. Couldn't handle seeing Scott. I was left alone all day. All alone.  
-Night Twenty-Seven:  
I stayed home today too. Lydia and Erica came over to drop off the homework and gave me the pity glares ever. I hate myself now. I ruined my best friends life.  
-Night Twenty-Eight:  
Derek came over. We talked and he told me that this will all blow over, but that I needed to talk to Scott. So I did what any mentally same person would do, I said no. That didn't do anything. Apparently he brought Scott along, but just decided to not tell Scott where they were going.  
Scott is actually still here because Derek locked Scott him my house with wolfsbane and as for me, well I don't have anywhere to be or anything to do, so I'm home.  
(not Stiles' journal)  
"What do write in that journal? Last time I was here, you were writing it."  
"It's nothing."  
"Well we need to talk."  
"What's there to talk about, Scott?"  
"You know. You obviously hate Alison because she has me and you don't? You're jealous because I've been blowing off our friendship to hang out with her, right?"  
"What? Are you stupid? No that's not why." He can be so dumb sometimes. I don't even know how he gets dressed every morning.  
It was a few minutes until he spoke again and that's how I knew he figured it out.  
"Stiles… do you have a crush on me?"  
"What do you think?"  
"I think you're jealous of Alison, in some way, but I'm not entirely sure which way."  
"Well if you had to guess, what way do you think?"  
"Stiles just tell me. Do you?"  
"Maybe. But it's not like you care, is it? Because you obviously didn't really care about me when I started shutting everyone out. You obviously didn't care when I protected my house from you guys with wolfsbane. Did you?"  
"You know I did, Stiles, you know I did. But why?"  
"Why what?"  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Because if you did, we might have been able to avoid this situation."  
"Yea, right."  
"Stiles, how long have you liked me?"  
"Well you see, it was six years after we met when I developed a crush on you, but I've been in love with you for 10 years."  
"IN LOVE?! You LOVE me?!"  
"Yes, you have a problem with that?" He didn't answer right away. I could tell that he was thinking about something. But what was he thinking about?  
(Journal)  
Scott never did reply. He just went to the spare room and went to bed. I wanted to follow him, but I couldn't. Not after I told him, I was in love with him. I'm going to try and get some sleep. Hopefully Derek will let Scott leave tomorrow.  
-Night Twenty-Nine:  
Nope, Scott is still here. But he is avoiding me. Every time I entered a room, he would leave. I hate this. I hate knowing that I caused this awkward tension between us. Hold on- someone's at the door.  
(not journal)  
"Come in!"  
"Stiles…?" I knew that whose voice that was immediately. That was the voice I fell in love with. That voice belonged to my best friend and the love of my life who, ironically, hates me.  
"Yeah, Scott?"  
"Stiles, why did you wait so long to tell me all of this?"  
"I waited because I wasn't supposed to like you. Hell, I never thought I would like guys. I thought that I was in love with Lydia for six years. But I realized that she was just a beard."  
He looked at me. He just looked. I was confused and didn't know what was happening.  
"Stiles, you know, I hate you."  
"Wha- why?"  
"Because you let me believe that you didn't love me and I thought that I would never be able to be with the one I truly love."  
"Wait- what?"  
"I love you, Stiles. I always have. Alison knew from the beginning that I would never truly love her like I love you."  
"I hate you."  
"Why, Stiles? Why would you hate the one who loves you?"  
"Because..… you make everything safe. You were the one who I let push my walls down and that scares me."  
"Well you don't have to worry. I won't hurt you, you know that right?" I nodded.  
"I'm going to sleep, Stiles. Do you mind if I just crash on your floor?"  
"You can take the bed.  
"Where are you going to sleep then?"  
"Floor? I don't know. I haven't really slept in awhile."  
"Well, we'll share the bed then. Come to bed whenever."  
"You know, they said I didn't have a chance. That you wouldn't like guys."  
"Who?"  
"Everyone."  
"Well they're wrong. Goodnight Stiles."  
(Journal.)  
-Night Thirty:  
Scott's still asleep. We didn't get to sleep until 10 am. It's 7 pm right now, but I'm not tired. He loves me. He really loves me. I just hope I don't do anything to ruin it. He's waking up. I'll be right back.  
(not journal.)  
"Stiles?"  
"Yes, Scott?"  
"Come over here."  
"Why?"  
"Because…"  
I walked over to him and while he was sitting up, he pulled me down to him and gave me a sweet kiss. It's wasn't like any of the other guys, no. It would never be like them because they weren't Scott. They would never be the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  
"Stiles… will you go out with me?"  
I replied with a passionate kiss and said, "Does that answer your question?"  
"Yes it does."  
I got under the covers and snuggled closer to Scott. We stayed snuggled like that for the rest of the night. Before sleep got to me, I was thinking about the future. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I really hope that Scott will always be in it. I can't imagine a future without the love of my life.

(And that's the end of my Sciles fanfic. I hope you guys liked it. Let me know if you want more Sciles oneshots or multi-chapters.)


End file.
